we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
