Michael Bay diarrhea
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
