One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Everyone says I win the strip club
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
