actually, I'm a sock model
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
