he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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