guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
