No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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