I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
