We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
