I'm jealous of your bromance
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
