He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm getting married
To pizza
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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