with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
