I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
