I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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