I hate your face
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
