In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
