You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
