just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
