we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
