I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
