dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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