We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
