Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
