Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
