So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
