Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
