Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
