wrigley field is MILF paradise
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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