So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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