Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
