How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
