dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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