well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
how drunk are you?
Several
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
