he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
