The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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