Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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