I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Randomize
