Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
