He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
