im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
