by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
organizing the empties. That sober.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
