We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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