PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
