walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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