i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
