I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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