Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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