A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
