he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
