I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
