I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
