I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
