i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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