Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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