Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
