I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
