singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
