At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
They took my balls.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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