This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
